某人刻苦学习英语，终有小成。一日上街不慎与一老外相撞，

> 忙说：I am sorry.

> 老外应道：I am sorry too.

> 某人听后又道：I am sorry three.

> 老外不解，问：What are you sorry for?

> 某人无奈，道：I am sorry five.

Farmer Jones picked a big red apple and handed it to the boy saying, "Watch out for worms."

"When I eat apples," replied the boy, "the worms have to watch out for themselves.

Did you hear that the post office had to recall a recent stamp release?

The stamps had pictures of lawyers on them and people couldn't figure out which side to spit on.

One warm summer morning before breakfast a rich gentleman was walking in the park near his house.

Suddenly he saw a man, who was sitting under a tree. The rich man never met this man before. The man was rather pale and poorly dressed.

When the rich gentleman approached him, the man rose and said, “Good morning, sir, a fine day, you come out rather early.”

“Yes, I did,” answered the rich man. “I came out to see if I can get an appetite for my breakfast. But what are you doing here at such an early hour?”

“You see, sir,” said the poor man, “I came out see if I can get a breakfast for my appetite.”

My husband's uncle thought he had conquered the problem of trying to remember his wife's birthday and their anniversary. He opened an account with a florist, privided him with the relevant dates and gave instructions to send flowers along with an appropriate note signed, "Your loving husband."

His wife was thrilled by this new disply of attention and all went well until ond day, many bouquets later, when he came home, kissed his wife and said offhandedly, "Nice flowers, honey. Where'd you get them?"

A servant broke a cup. His master was very angry and asked, “How did you break it?”

“Do you really want to know?” the servant picked up another cup and threw it onto the ground, “I broke it like this.”

A lawyer finds out he has a brain tumor and it's inoperable - in fact, it's so large, they have to do a brain transplant.

His doctor gives him a choice of available brains - there's a jar of rocket scientist brains for $10 an ounce, a jar of regular scientist brains for $15 an ounce, and a jar of lawyer brains for the princely sum of $800 an ounce.

The outraged lawyer says, "This is a rip-off how come the lawyer brains are so expensive?"

The doctor replies, "Do you know how many lawyers it takes to get an ounce of brains?"

An Englishman arrived at a hotel in France and read the following words on the door: “All languages spoken here.”

He spoke to the manager in English, German and Russian, but received no answer. At last he asked in French: “Who speaks all the languages here?”

“The hotel guests,” was the answer.

Mother: Sam, I saw two cakes in the cupboard this morning, but there is only one now. Where is the other cake, do you know?

Sam: I don't know, Mum. The cupboard is very high. I could only find one because it was very dark in it.

Poet: I hope you have received the little Volume of poems I sent you.

Woman: Oh, yes, I have. It's very nice. I wonder where I have put it?

Her son: It's under leg of the table, Mum, to make it steady.

A lawyer's dog, running about unleashed, beelines for a butcher shop and steals a roast. Butcher goes to lawyer's office and asks, "if a dog running unleashed steals a piece of meat from my store, do I have a right to demand payment for the meat from the dog's owner?"

The lawyer answers, "Absolutely."

"Then you owe me $8.50. Your dog was loose and stole a roast from me today."

The lawyer, without a word, writes the butcher a check for $8.50 Several days later the butcher opens the mail and finds a bill from the lawyer: $20 due for a consultation.

Tom: Granny, have you got any good teeth?

Granny: Oh, my grandson, I haven't got any good teeth.

Tom: That's great! Can you keep these chocolates for me?

A young associate was romantically ambushed in a darkened room of the law firm.

After months of the social isolation that comes from eighty hour work weeks, the associate was happy to reciprocate.

However, when asked by a friend to identify the lover, the associate was puzzled.

"All I know for sure is that it was a partner, I had to do all the work."

Two men in the college were talking about their sons. “My son's letters always send me to the dictionary,” said one man.

“Then you are quite lucky,” said the other. “My son's letters always send me to the bank.”

As the lawyer woke up after surgery, he said, "Why are all the blinds drawn?"

The doctor answered, "There's a big fire across the street, and we didn't want you to think the operation was a failure."