问：孩子4岁，英语词汇量只有1500左右，是不是不太够？

答：在米国肯定是够了，在海淀肯定是不够。

侄女在看一段视频，亚洲鲤鱼在美国泛滥成灾，那里的人把湖水通上了电，瞬间万鱼飞跃全部电死。侄女惊呼：“那本地鱼不是也电死了吗？”嫂子说：“他们事先通知了本地鱼，亚洲鲤不好好学习听不懂英语没跑走，你看不会英语可怜不？命都没了！快别看了赶紧练习这几个单词。”侄女……

贱货英语，毁我青春，拉我总分，伤我自尊。

Did you hear about the lawyer from Texas who was so big when he died that they couldn't find a coffin big enough to hold the body?

They gave him an enema and buried him in a shoebox.

What is the difference between a lawyer and a trampoline?

You take off your shoes to jump on a trampoline!

Mother: “What did your father say when he saw his broken glasses?”

Son: “Shall I leave out the swear-words, Mother?”

Mother: “OK,”

Son: “Then I don't think he said anything.”

Why did the chewing gum cross the road?

Because he was stuck to the chicken's bottom.

The real estate boss got a hot new secretary.

Afraid of sexual harrassment issues he held himself off for a week, but

finally overcome with lust, he decided to put some moves on her.

But within a few weeks, he is feeling displeased at the way she is working, not caring, coming to work late, and so on.

So, he pulls her aside, and has a little talk with her.

"Listen, baby, we may have gone to bed together a few times, but who said you could start coming in late and slacking off?"

Looking him in the eyes, she replied, "My lawyer!"

Boss: Go to my office and get this week's pay. You are fired.

Worker: But why? I haven't done anything?

Boss: That's why you are fired.

A man doing telephone solicitations for a local charity called up a prominent and wealthy lawyer and asked him for a modest donation.

The lawyer became incensed at the request and said to his caller: "I bet you weren't aware that just this past week my wife required major surgery and the expenses for this surgery weren't covered by insurance."

The caller started to apologize and express his regret for having asked for money and was interrupted by the lawyer who chimed in, "And this past month my mother died and my family had to put together an expensive funeral for her."

Again the caller tried to apologize to the lawyer for attempting to solicit a donation and told the lawyer he was sorry to hear that his mother had died.

"Then just this past month, one of my sons came down with a serious illness and almost died.....and my daughter needed plastic surgery to repair a congenital defect on her face," the lawyer added to the conversation.

The caller again felt bad and regretted having bothered the lawyer for taking up his time and apologized to him.

The lawyer then responded, "And if I didn't give any of these people my money, why should I give some to you?"

a pretty, young woman strolled into a tattoo parlor and announced that she wanted a picture of Elvis tattooed on her thigh. The artist asked her to sit and proceeded to comply with the request.

Upon completion, she looked down at the new tattoo and exclaimed, ''That doesn't look a thing like Elvis!'' She then stormed out of the room.

Down the street, she spied another tattoo parlor and walked in with the same request, on her other thigh.

The artist there got the same response, ''that doesn't look a thing like Elvis either!'' ...and she strormed out of that parlor as well.

Lying along side the sidewalk was an old drunk still bleary-eyed from the night before's consumption. She walked over to him prodding him with her foot. ''Does this look a thing like Elvis to you?'' she demanded, hiking her skirt.

The old drunk stared a moment and said, ''Lady, I ain't gotta clue about the twins there, but the fellow in the middle is a dead ringer for Willie Nelson.''

A young woman who was several months pregnant boarded a bus. When she noticed a young man smiling at her she began feeling humiliated on account of her condition. She changed her seat and he seemed more amused.She moved again and then on her fourth move he burst out laughing. She had him arrested.

When the case came before the court, the young man was as asked why he acted in such a manner.

His reply was: When the lady boarded the bus I couldn't help noticing she was pregnant. She sat under an advertisement which read "Coming Soon The Gold Dust Twins", then she moved under one that read "Sloans Liniments remove Swelling". I was even more amused when she sat under a shaving advertisement which read "William Stick Did The Trick". Then I could not control myself any longer when on the fourth move she sat under an advertisement which read "Dunlop Rubber would have prevented this accident."

He won the case.

Father: My son, I punish you because I love you.

Son: I know, Dad, but I shouldn't get so much love.

Manager is a foreigner, to be in China has almost been a year understand simple hello, thank you what.

One day he used hands-free phone call to someone else, a phone to hear the other side to say "Hello," he immediately replied: "Hello." The results of phone side went on to say "you can not dial the phone to connect," he murmured to follow for a while, until after hearing the English, they would understand how the thing. Then he quietly hung up the phone, the office has been quiet for some time, I tried not to laugh, so hard ah.